Confession #1. My word count, as of today, is 10,017/50,000.
This is good, because it’s better than nothing. This is bad, because the goal for this day, in the middle of the month, is more like 25,000/50,000. I’m only 14,983 behind. Unfortunately, this is more than I can make up in one night.
Confession #2. I am tempted to quit.
See? This is where I was each of the previous years I decided to partake in NaNoWriMo. Two weeks in and already so far behind that I feel like I can’t catch up.
So, let’s see if I can talk myself out of it with some rational numbers. If I can write 2,665 words a day from here on out, I can still hit the goal by November 30th. It’s not out of the question. There may be hope?
Confession #3. I am a really slow writer when it comes to writing in longhand.
Even when I pick up the pace, it takes me about 2.5 hours to write the original goal of 1,667/night with my pen and paper. Actually, it ‘s pencil, but who is keeping score on that? So…I have got to turn to typing. As if with fingers ablaze! I acutally type about 60 wpm, so with *that* math, it should only take me about 44 minutes to write that much a day. Easy, peasy. Right?
The problem with typing is that it doesn’t, for whatever reason, incite the same sort of creative spark that writing on paper gives me. I wish it did…I really, really do! But, gosh darn it, it just doesn’t. At least, not yet.
Confession #4. I am not in love with my character anymore, and I want her to hurry up and get where she is going.
So…yeah. I have been writing this story chronologically. I am stuck in El Paso with a runaway. She is 18, but kind of…too methodical and beseiged by guilt/sadness to “get a move on.” Plot twists present themselves and I think, “No, not this girl. She wouldn’t take that bait. She is too ____ to do that.” Or I might think, “I should just skip her out of El Paso to someplace more interesting.” But then I tell myself I am getting ahead of myself.
I think it is time to give myself permission to write whatever part of the freaking story/character I feel like writing and stop being so…controlling…about it. Just putting that thought into words is like a little golden apple someone just dropped into my pocket. How exciting!
Confession #5. I can’t stop thinking about all the other stories on my “to do” list.
I think it’s because I’m getting into writing again, those favoritest characters of mine are just piping up in the back row of my brain with arms flailing, screaming “pick me! pick me!” Or maybe it’s a grass is greener in the other story kind of thing. Or maybe this whole NaNoWriMo method of bucking the system and “focusing” on a single project is difficult for my brain to catch hold of. I mean, I literally have an excel spreadsheet with like 10 tabs in it to capture story ideas and character details so they won’t float away. It’s a good exercise, though. Deadlines and the like. I get it. I even want to do that. It’s just hard to keep the creative juices flowing with just one flavor. I don’t really have a solution for this confession except to tell myself, “Sit! Stay! Work!”
I’m sure we’ll all survive. Somehow. Hopefully, not by quitting. Again.